Seifer's Shenanigans
by Pooch
Summary: Seifer's up to his shenanigans! A Queifer of sorts... Rated PG13 for some language and some touchy themes.


Seifer's up to his shenanigans. This is one of those "I wrote this at three in the morning" fics, just to warn you. Actually, it was more like 2:40, but ya know. Most of these are inside jokes I have with Dave. 

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I don't own the Sprite I'm drinking, I don't own the eMachines computer I'm typing on, I don't own Final Fantasy, I don't own the Fender next to me, and I sure as hell don't own the Mirando Black Warrior pencil next to me.

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Seifer: Quistis, I need to tell you something.

Quistis: What?

Seifer: You can't tell anyone!

Quistis: What, already?!

Seifer: I have a secret.

Quistis: I've pretty much figured that out.

Seifer: No, you don't understand! I've been wanting to tell someone. Some one I could trust.

Quistis: Just tell me already!

Seifer: It's something I've had built up inside me.

Quistis: Oh, no...

Seifer: And I needed the relief of letting it out, and I wanted to tell you.

Quistis: Seifer, are you gay? Tell me dammit!

Seifer: I really need to tell you...

Seifer pauses dramatically while Quistis waits impatiently...

Seifer: I just took the BIGGEST shit!

Quistis: Oh for Hyne's sake, Seifer! I really didn't need to know that!

Seifer: I feel ten pounds lighter!

~~~---~~~---~~~

Rinoa: Oh, hello Seifer.

Seifer: Hi Rinoa. I need your advice with something. 

Rinoa: Sure! Anything, what's up?

Seifer: See, I've been having this problem with Quistis...

Rinoa: Go on...

Seifer: She's not happy. There's something I'm doing wrong.

Rinoa: What do you think it is?

Seifer: Well, I've got a pretty good idea.

Rinoa: Which would be...

Seifer: She wants me to change, but I don't know if I should. 

Rinoa: Well, what does she want you to change?

Seifer: Well, here's what I need your advice on.

Rinoa: Ok, shoot.

Seifer: Should I get a sex change to fulfill Quistis's needs?

Rinoa: Jeez - just - Hyne- Seifer! Ugh! Don't tell me these things!

Seifer: She always was kinda kinky...

~~~---~~~---~~~

Seifer: Hey Selphie! Wait up!

Selphie: What is it?

Seifer: I need to talk to you about something.

Selphie: Sure, anything to make the world a better place.

Seifer: Well, you see, I have a problem.

Selphie: What kind of problem?

Seifer: I think I need help.

Selphie: Oh gosh Seifer! What have you gotten yourself into?

Seifer: I know. I can't believe I've been doing it.

Selphie: Oh you need help!

Seifer: It's just so wonderful when you take them...

Selphie: Seifer! NOOOO!

Seifer: And then you finish off a batch, and you just really need some more...

Selphie: What is it? What are you addicted to?!

Seifer: I just always need more...I need it now!

Selphie: Is it pot? Crack? Heroin? 

Seifer: Selphie, I'm addicted to Wintergreen Lifesavers.

Selphie: ::gasp:: You scared me! Why didn't you just tell me in the first place?

Seifer: Did you know they make sparks when you chew them in the dark? It's like a wonderful trip...

~~~---~~~---~~~

Squall: What do you want Seifer?

Seifer: I just need to talk to you about something. Man to man.

Squall: What?

Seifer: Well, something happened to me for the first time yesterday.

Squall: What did?

Seifer: I was so scared when it first happened. It was so shocking to see it!

Squall: Um...

Seifer: I've never been so intrigued by anything in my life!

Squall: What the hell are you talking about?

Seifer: I mean, I know it's supposed to happen eventually, but it's just such a shock when it actually happens!

Squall: Is this about what I think it's about? If so, you're a little behind the rest of us males...

Seifer: You mean you got yours already?

Squall: Yeah, like four years ago.

Seifer: Wow! I still feel the need to tell you though, just because I'm so excited!

Squall: ...whatever.

Seifer: I got my period!

Squall: Whoa! What? I thought - but...what the hell is wrong with you?

Seifer: Can I borrow a pad?

~~~---~~~---~~~

Seifer: Irvine?

Irvine: Yeah?

Seifer: I've been having a problem.

Irvine: Well I'll see what I can do.

Seifer: Something happened. It's never happened before.

Irvine: Yeah?

Seifer: I've heard it happens to a lot of guys.

Irvine: Um...

Seifer: I live to please Quistis, but this time I couldn't!

Irvine: Man, I think -

Seifer: I was just so embarrassed! She was so angry...

Irvine: Seifer, are you impo-

Seifer: I left the toilet seat up!

Irvine: You call that a problem? At least you can keep something up...

Seifer: She nearly fell in!

~~~---~~~---~~~

Zell: What do you want, Seifer?

Seifer: I just need to talk to you about something.

Zell: What?

Seifer: Well, I've been doing something and I think you can help me.

Zell: What have you been doing?

Seifer: I've been doing something to myself.

Zell: Uh oh.

Seifer: I've heard it's dangerous, but it's just so relieving in my stressful life.

Zell: Whoa.

Seifer: I started doing it about a month ago, and I just can't stop!

Zell: Oh my God, Seifer!

Seifer: I've got them everywhere...

Zell: You need to stop!

Seifer: On my arms, on my chest, on my legs...

Zell: Seifer! No!

Seifer: I...I've been drawing on myself...

Zell: Hyne! Seifer! What is wrong with you?

Seifer: Look, I drew you in my armpit.

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Well, that's it...have fun REVIEWING! HINT! HINT!


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